I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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