just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
