dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
