addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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