he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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