Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
