i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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