We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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