The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
