yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
