I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We left the knife in your bed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
