I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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