What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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