She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
