SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
