she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
