someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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