My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
