He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
