Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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