you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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