honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
