So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
