When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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