He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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