i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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