Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.