Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder