ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms