my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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