if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This baby is an asshole
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
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I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....