Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud