Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  You surviving the open bar?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Super asto ex polenta omaha botad

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  (512): You surviving the open bar? (1-512): Super asto ex polenta omaha botad http://tfl.nu/tyvd
  Replies (15) Good night (1756) Bad night (527)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa

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  (401): Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa http://tfl.nu/h6ux
  Replies (29) Good night (646) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.

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  (931): there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover. http://tfl.nu/oxnt
  Replies (27) Good night (852) Bad night (1800)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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  (720): He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible. http://tfl.nu/qdhh
  Replies (9) Good night (660) Bad night (3490)
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  (530): View more from California

  I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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  (530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw
  Replies (62) Good night (6614) Bad night (745)
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  (716): View more from New York

  you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority

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  (716): you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority http://tfl.nu/980f
  Replies (27) Good night (4916) Bad night (1806)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

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  (904): The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/fka6
  Replies (12) Good night (6446) Bad night (1484)
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  (760): View more from California

  Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

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  (760): Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!? http://tfl.nu/iolx
  Replies (39) Good night (11464) Bad night (1511)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

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  (660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3
  Replies (7) Good night (4997) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.

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  (781): I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path. http://tfl.nu/8tge
  Replies (6) Good night (2185) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.

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  (913): Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well. http://tfl.nu/px83
  Replies (4) Good night (1063) Bad night (593)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (3248) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad

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  (203): But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad http://tfl.nu/s23a
  Replies (5) Good night (1067) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.

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  (613): somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder. http://tfl.nu/ofdw
  Replies (2) Good night (244) Bad night (812)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.

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  (479): The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel. http://tfl.nu/uzc1
  Replies (2) Good night (410) Bad night (209)

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