i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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