me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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