Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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