Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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