Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize