dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
