that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
