Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
