Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
