batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
