he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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