Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
