The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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