Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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