I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
