That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
there is glitter all over my balls
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
