The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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