i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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