Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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