why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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