bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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