I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
