I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
