hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
