I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
