matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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