At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
