I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
