I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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