Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
