Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk is a universal language darling
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