i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
