and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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