dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
