I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
