your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
pray to the hookup gods
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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