I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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