dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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