I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
