it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
