I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it hurts more in the daytime
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
