Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?