the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"