hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I love having hate sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?