i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.