he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
