is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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