Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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